Helping Your Toddler Adjust to a New Sibling
Toddler adjusting to a new sibling? Get practical, research-backed tips on preparing your older child for the new baby and managing jealousy with love.
Providing Quality Childcare Since 2012 • Infants, Toddlers & Preschool • Daycare Centre
Having a new baby in the home can be a big change for the whole whānau, especially if you have an older child. It can be hard to divide your time and attention between your older child and your new baby, especially if you’re tired after a busy day or you’ve been awake all night.
This article explores how to help your toddler adjust to a new sibling, offering practical tips to prepare your older child for the family’s new member.
Understanding How Your Toddler Might Respond
How Will My Older Child React?
This is a question that crosses every mind of a parent expecting a baby.
When there’s a new baby on the way, your older child might feel a mixture of excitement and anxiety. Their response depends greatly on their age, personality, and even their mood on that particular day. Some toddlers may show interest straight away, while others might be wary or seem distant, often ignoring the little one. What’s important to remember is that every child is unique, and their reaction to a sibling can vary greatly from one child to the next.
Once you have a sense of how your child might react emotionally, the next step is deciding when to share the news about their soon-to-arrive sibling.
When to Tell Your Toddler About the New Baby
Deciding when to tell your toddler about the new baby is important. If you share too early, especially in early pregnancy, the novelty may fade long before the baby arrives. But if you wait until things are more obvious – when your bump is showing or some pregnancy symptoms are apparent – it might help your toddler grasp what’s coming.
Older toddlers often pick up on changes anyway: more fatigue, different routines – so telling them earlier can reassure them and reduce their uncertainty. Sharing the news also helps you avoid confusion if they hear about it from others first.
Parenting research also offers useful insights into what families can expect when a new baby arrives.
What Research Says About Toddler Adjusting to a New Sibling
Drawing on evidence helps inform what works best when supporting older children during family change.
According to “Family transitions following the birth of a sibling: an empirical review of changes in the firstborn’s adjustment,” many firstborns show declines in affection or responsiveness, but responses vary greatly. Some children show stress, others adapt smoothly.
The longitudinal study “Developmental Trajectories of Children’s Adjustment Across the Transition to Siblinghood: Pre-Birth Predictors and Sibling Outcomes at One Year” studied 241 families and found that while some toddlers exhibit early behavioural or emotional difficulties after birth, many return to baseline within a few months.
These findings suggest that preparation and reassurance play a big part in helping toddlers adjust.
Preparing Your Toddler for the Baby’s Arrival
In the months leading up to the baby’s arrival, there are things you can do to help your toddler feel involved and secure.
Talk openly about pregnancy and what life will look like with a baby. Read stories featuring siblings and explore their questions and fears.
Use photos and videos of when your toddler was a baby, share what their first words were, and reflect on how special they were.
Let them try small roles: setting aside baby items, choosing clothes, helping with a story. Even giving them a simple gift from the baby at arrival can help ease the transition.
Practical Emotional Support for Toddlers
To help your older child feel supported emotionally:
Acknowledge their feelings
Let them express jealousy, frustration, or sadness without shame. Saying things like, “I know it’s hard when the baby gets attention,” validates how they feel.
Maintain routines
Keeping bedtime, mealtimes, and playtime consistent helps them feel secure amid the family changes.
Spend special one-on-one time
Even short periods where the baby isn’t involved – reading together, singing, playing – show them they are still cherished
Praise their helpfulness
Point out when they are gentle, kind, or helpful, reinforcing positive behaviour and connection.
Managing Challenging Behaviour
After the newborn arrives, it is common for older children to act out in various ways. These behaviours are often expressions of big emotions rather than “bad behaviour.”
Examples might include:
- Crying, yelling, or wanting the baby “sent back.”
- Reverting in skills like forgetting toilet training or asking for more help than usual.
- Resisting sleep routines, waking at night.
- Acting out anger near the baby.
Even with lots of love and reassurance, it’s normal for toddlers to show challenging behaviours once the baby arrives.
When Jealousy or Regression Appears
Here are strategies to handle this:
- Stay calm: respond with empathy rather than frustration.
- Use praise and attention for positive behaviour rather than focus only on misbehaviour.
- Let the non-birthing parent or another adult spend more one-on-one time with the toddler.
- Offer choices: allow them to feel some control (e.g., “Would you like to hold the baby’s blanket or pick the bedtime story tonight?”)
- Avoid heavy punishments. Instead, guide them with words and validation.
Sibling Adjustment Tips for Different Ages
Toddlers (Under Two Years)
Toddlers may not fully understand abstract explanations, but they feel changes deeply.
Talk often about the baby growing in your tummy; show excitement. Use simple picture books or board books about babies.
Introduce baby items with them: maybe let them help set up the baby’s room, choose a toy for the baby.
Give them a present “from the baby” when the baby arrives, to help them feel included.
When jealousy peaks, reassure them of your love. Explain that being a big sibling means special roles, but also that the baby will need lots of help and care: things change, but love stays strong.
Preschoolers (Ages Three to Five)
Preschool-age children often have a better understanding and speech, so you can use more detailed explanations and involve them more in the process.
Let them participate in errands or planning for the baby. They may pick out baby clothes or help pack a hospital bag.
Be honest: babies cry, and they are needy. Reassure them that they will always be loved and important.
Try to minimise major transitions (such as moving bedroom, toilet training) during the same time as the baby arrives. Do those beforehand so they feel less overwhelmed.
Give them special helper roles, for example: being in charge of small tasks like helping with bath time, so they feel valued.
How to Balance Care for Both Children
It’s vital to find ways to care for the baby while also making the older child feel seen.
Plan one-on-one special rituals with the toddler or preschooler, even if just 5–10 minutes daily.
Share small tasks: when feeding the baby, the toddler can fetch a towel.
Maintaining their familiar caregivers, friends, and routines helps ground them.
Take care of yourself: rest, ask for help, carve out small breaks. Your well-being supports theirs.
Small Steps for Parents
- Ask for help from friends or whānau when needed.
- Set realistic expectations for yourself and your child.
- Celebrate small wins, like peaceful play moments or gentle gestures.
Navigating Long-Term Family Changes and Growth
The changes toddlers undergo in their families will evolve over time. Adjustment is not instant, but gradual. Expect ups and downs. There may be good days and harder days, but many toddlers show resilience after the newborn arrives.
Monitor behaviour: if anxiety, sleep problems, or aggression persist for many months or worsen, consider seeking help from health professionals.
Celebrate milestones: first smiles between siblings, moments of sharing, and cooperation. These build positive relational groundwork. Encourage bonding between siblings by facilitating gentle interactions and joint play when everyone is calm and adults are present.
Conclusion: Supporting Whānau Through Change
Welcoming a new baby is one of the biggest family changes toddlers and parents experience. Helping your older child with emotional support during this time means being patient, honest, involving them, and maintaining consistency.
Research shows that while the period can bring challenging behaviours, with support, children usually return to balance and confidence. That’s why maintaining routines and offering reassurance make such a difference.
When preparing your toddler for the baby, use concrete examples and small, loving rituals to help them feel secure. With time, toddlers adjusting to a new sibling becomes a beautiful opportunity for connection and growth for your whole whānau.
At BBELC: Supporting Your Family’s Journey
At Bright Beginnings Early Learning Centre, our teachers support families through these changes every day. Helping each child build confidence, empathy, and joy as they welcome their new sibling.
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